watching movies one cup at a time

Welcome to Ice Cubes In My Coffee :: The Caffeinated Movie Guide. I love movies and I have strong opinions about all of them. When they are great, they can change your life. And when they suck, you can at least have fun ripping them to shreds. I have seen a million movies and I have a bunch of movie facts and trivia stored up in my head - it's time to share. I'm going to be filling this movie guide with reviews on an ongoing basis, building up a large library of reviews so YOU, the movie-watching public, will know what movies are essential viewing and what movies you must avoid at all costs (hint: anything with the words "Starring Dane Cook"). I will also be posting some interesting articles and lists along the way as well. So grab a cup of joe and settle in for some movie talk!
      -- Mr. Coffee

Twilight

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Year of Release: 2008
 Rated 4 cups

I like vampire movies. I like them a lot. I am not so fond of teen romance dramas. Not so fond at all. Going in to Twilight I knew I was going to get some weird mish-mash of vampire movie and teen romance drama, but what I didn’t know was that I was going to being getting a movie that was ENTIRELY teen romance drama with just a little sprinkling of vampire underlying 2 hours of a guy with too much make-up on staring at Kristen Stewart. Clearly this movie (and the books it’s based on) is for lovesick teen girls who want to “fall in love forever!” with some hot, loner dude who only has eyes for them. And that is really NOT what I am interested in from a vamp flick.

It’s just non-stop fantasy that feels like it was written by some girl who didn’t get asked to the prom so they stayed home whining about it and pouring their angst into a drippy, melodramatic story. And then they threw vampires in to the mix just to make it “edgy”, but in a very non-edgy way. Seriously, there could not be any wussier vampires on the planet. They go out in the sunlight, they only eat animals in the forest, and they go to high school. What!? Do you think the vamps in The Lost Boys worried about f*cking high school? Hell no!

And the so-called “evil vampires” just really feels tacked on and uninteresting. All-of-a-sudden they show up and everyone freaks out and for some unclear reason they want to kill the human chick, Bella. Just cuz I guess. They fly across the country (!) and beat each other up in some silly wrestling match that looks like it was choreographed by Cirque Du Soleil. Then pretty much without a whole lotta effort, they kill the “bad guy” and light his ass on fire. There, problem solved in about 15 whole minutes. Hardly seems worth the effort at all really.

If you’re a lonely teenage girl, hey, more power to ya. I’m sure you’ll love this as you cry about how you’ll never find “my Edward”. But it’s not for me and it’s not for anyone who is in to vampire movies… like, at ALL.



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Filed Under (2 cups, T) by admin on 02-01-2009 | Read More

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