watching movies one cup at a time

First I have to say I really liked the movie a lot. However that shaky camera thing really made me feel nauseous! WTF!? I definitely did not feel good by about halfway through the flick. That’s not something you want from a movie these days - call me crazy. And it appears I’m not alone. I read reports that some theaters posted signs saying the movie may cause motion sickness. Nice job, JJ Abrams!

Nevertheless, the film scores big for originality. The concept of seeing essentially a Godzilla movie in a reality show/documentary style really succeeded in connecting the terror of the moment to the audience. It was very effective and believable. We are so used to seeing reality show footage these days and this just blends right in. I got sucked into the realistically bewildering crisis.

But even tho it was a very cool movie, there were some big problems I had with it. The movie starts off with about 20 minutes of what can only be described as an episode of Felicity (another JJ Abrams project). Twenty-somethings I don’t give a sh*t about whining and acting like goofs at a party. I SO don’t care - where is the frickin’ monster? Get on with it already! I get it - they are trying to weave in a story so you care about the characters and there is a real plot to hang the monster carnage on. But you know what? 100% monster carnage with NOTHING to hang it on would have worked just fine for me. Less jabb-jabb “I love her, dude, but it’s complicated” blah blah blah nonsense and more “ROOOAARRR! SMASH! KILL!” If I want to watch an episode of Dawson’s Creek, I’ll promptly shoot myself…. I mean, I’ll go rent one. If I want to see a big freakin’ monster tear up Manhattan I THOUGHT I could go see Cloverfield for that. Okay okay, that does come later. But seriously, by the time the first tremor and loud roar was heard I was saying “FINALLY!”

Another big problem I had was that this monster was practically STALKING these kids! Manhattan is the biggest city in the northern hemisphere and this monster is constantly EXACTLY where these dumb kids are. “Let’s go 3 miles north” and guess who ELSE goes to the exact same spot!? There were about 4 or 5 times when these people came within a few yards of this huge creature PURELY ON ACCIDENT. Either they are the most unlucky kids ever or this monster has some kind of crush on them. “Let me come to your party, dudes! I’m new in town and could use some friends. Wait! Where are you going? Come back!” SMASH! EXPLOSION!

I know I know. “Suspension of disbelief.” “It’s just a movie.” And they had to have the monster close to the main characters or else it would be just idiots running through jacked up NYC all night. But I just hate when my suspension of disbelief gets pushed to the breaking point by something I just can’t believe no matter how much I try. There is a difference between when Bruce Willis drives a frickin’ car into a helicopter and when this monster is always within arms reach of the same people all night. Die Hard is a cartoon, I expect silly sh*t like cars flying into helicopters. But Cloverfield does sell itself with a dosage of reality. And that really broke me out of getting into the story. I loved seeing the monster early on but by the time the damn thing reached through the clouds of dust and debris JUST to f*ck with the helicopter these kids were on I was like “Oh COME ON!”

A few other things that bugged me:

1. The guy holding the camera was THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THE PLANET. Dude, STFU! He was constantly chattering nonsense and sounding like a complete dumbass. I was ready to take his camera and beat him with it. “Hey Monster! Do us a favor and don’t wait until the end to eat this guy!”

2. The characters were so nonchalant about a BIG F*CKING MONSTER running around the city! Are we that jaded that a walking nightmare shows up and we’re all “Oh, my girlfriend!” ? I don’t think so. If Godzilla walks past my house, I’m getting the f*ck outta there ASAP.

3. Which brings me to the third thing - I don’t buy that Rob would tear ass across a war zone with f*cking Cthulu bearing down on him to rescue that chick, Beth. I don’t buy it. It’s way too much like movie bullsh*t and not the reality it’s presented as. “Oh but he’s in LOVE with her! (swoon)” Yea, I get that. But seriously, there is apocalyptic, nightmare horror in your face eating people and shedding huge crab-dog-spider things! 99.9% of the population would be running and not stop until they got to Jersey. But not this guy. He’s not going to let something silly thing like a huge monster, hundreds of little crab-spider-dog monsters, and the U.S. Military keep him from saving this girl - who is most likely dead considering most of his friends are. Of course she isn’t dead cause it’s a movie - geez.

Okay, enough complaining. I am being a bit harsh but the reason I’m being harsh is because I did really like the movie over all. It’s kind of like when something is really good, the flaws stand out more. A movie like Good Luck Chuck for instance was such wall-to-wall CRAP that even wasting 2 sentences on it is an effort.

So there you have it. Cloverfield is a great movie. Definitely go see it. But be warned that it will most likely make you nauseous - awesome! And despite some glaring plot holes, it was a fun ride and great to see a movie that breaks with convention.