watching movies one cup at a time

To call this movie ridiculous is pretty much stating the obvious. So let’s just get the fact that it’s a ridiculous over-the-top two-dimensional movie out of the way. Now, as far as ridiculous movies go, it’s not that bad. It reminds me of the early ’80s/late ’70s Roger Moore James Bond movies like Moonraker where there were crazy, evil baddies with outrageously elaborate lairs, like what Austin Powers would parody. We get the crazed villain, the massively tricked-out headquarters, and crazy gadgets galore. It actually remains true to the original toys in that sense with each weapon is created to outdo the next.

The acting here is a very mixed bag. Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are both brilliant actors who are basically given free reign to cook up the cartoonish villians required by the flm. But Channing Tatum is an absolutely horrible actor who shouldn’t ever be allowed anywhere near a movie that requires even the slightest amount of acting. Even for G.I. Joe he is just plain terrible. I guess in real life he is best friends Joseph Gordon-Levitt and that may be why they are in this movie together. But Joseph Gordon-Levitt has more talent in his eyebrow than Channing Tatum could ever dream to have. Marlon Wayans is of course just playing Marlon Wayans and makes all the required jokes I’m sure he was hired for. I don’t once believe him to be a highly-trained soldier though and his so-called comic relief is pretty cliche and slapstick. Dennis Quaid and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje are just kind of in the background, under-utilized and mostly forgotten. Sienna Miller is passable but I didn’t like the back-and-forth of her loyalties. Baroness is evil, keep it that way.

This movie is a bit of fun, I will admit. And it’s still way better than that god awful Transformers sequel. But it’s pure fluff through and through. And I was a bit surprised by the amount of foul language in the movie. It’s PG-13 but I still would have expected it to be cleaner for a film that is based on a children’s toy and cartoon. Still, not a bad toy movie.

I never read the original comic book this movie is based on. And I never knew anybody who read it either. But of course since Spiderman and X-men made a freighter-load of money, the non-stop barrage of comic book movies is not going to stop any time soon. As comic book characters go, Ghost Rider is more supernatural than superhero. There is a lot of heavy God/Devil/Evil stuff throughout the movie and the main enemy is essentially the anti-christ. But it never gets deep. This is an inch-deep action movie and it knows it. If your looking for some cheap thrills, this will do.

Nicolas Cage kind of sleepwalks through most of this doing his standard Elvis impression he’s used in countless other movies. Every once-in-a-blue moon Cage will take on an interesting role. But more often he’s just going through the paces in a new forgettable thriller or light action flick. And he does so many that I get the impression he doesn’t turn anything down. Everyone does a decent job with their cartoonish characters. But no one is really given much to work with. Wes Bentley goes nuts with his Blackheart/anti-christ character, playing up evil like he’s at a Marilyn Manson concert, all glaring eyes and sarcasm under pale blue skin. But it’s a pretty standard “evil dude”.

Like I said, good for cheap thrills, not much else.

This is Rob Zombie’s much-hyped remake of John Capenter’s 1978 Halloween movie about Michael Meyers. Rob Zombie adds his typical trademarks like lots of swearing and violence but doesn’t bring anything particularly new to the table. The remake spends a lot more time on the actual character of Michael Meyers and his childhood than the original one did. And it is interesting to see his disturbing behavior develop. But eventually it just devolves into another slasher movie where the psycho must kill everything for no real reason.

And the character of Dr. Loomis is pretty ridiculous. Michael starts out as a disturbed kid and this doctor is supposed to be helping him. But Michael just slides into a worse and worse psychosis, making Loomis clearly the worst doctor ever. After awhile I had no idea what was going on in this movie. People are getting killed pointlessly left and right. The convoluted story about his sister is just a mess and contrived. Overall there was just no point to this flick. Why bother remaking it at all? Just to add more gore, violence, rape scenes, and foul language? Skip it.

So they drag Indiana Jones out from storage after almost 20 years, dusting him off and sending him back out for one more adventure. Sounds great on paper but the truth is that the original three movies are held in such high regard, you have got to come out with a really, really, REALLY good story in order justify adding a fourth movie in to the mix. ESPECIALLY after such a huge gap in time between films. You shouldn’t just do it for the sake of doing it. There should be a damn good reason. Well, does the fourth film live up to that hype? Not even close unfortunately.

Where do we begin with the flaws in this movie. How about Shia Lebouff? Indy’s so-called son is thrown in the mix here as a psuedo-Marlon Brando “Wild One” figure that one assumes is supposed to attract a younger audience to the film. However, not only is Shia a lame, one-note actor, but he is given one of the absolute WORST moments in film history as he “tarzan” vine swings through the jungle in one of the film’s many chase scenes. Just appalling. Not to mention that he is immediately out acted every second he and Harrison Ford share the screen. If anyone ever had a thought that Shia would take over for Harrison Ford as the lead in the Indiana Jones movies, he must have been hit over the head with a crystal skull. Not even close. Harrison Ford’s Indiana Jones is a film icon. Shia Lebouff couldn’t win an acting battle with a big car-smashing robot. As long as Shia has idiot costars like Megan Fox, he’ll be fine. But keep him far away from anything even resembling a classic. Read the rest of this entry »

Really profound statements like “God just got sick of the bullshi*t” set the tone for this movie right away, and the level of ridiculousness remains high throughout the movie. The basic plot is God is going to wipe out humanity but a rogue angel comes down to stop it by protecting a newborn baby destined to redeem humanity… or something. It’s never really made clear exactly what’s going on or why anything is happening. The angel Michael just shows up at this desert diner, scowls the entire time, barely speaks yet convinces the people at the diner that they need to shoot every person that comes near the place because they are possessed by angels and will kill everyone. Whatever you say, mysterious stranger. Nevermind the fact that they are supposedly fighting against GOD. Somehow a handful of machine guns in a diner can withstand the will of God, good to know. And speaking of machine guns, pretty much any time there isn’t a bunch of guns being fires, the movie grinds to a complete halt with incredibly boring dialogue between 2-dimensional characters played by mediocre actors. Paul Bettany and Dennis Quaid do their best to break out of the extremely limited room they are given but ultimately they are forced in to a one-note performance just like everyone else in the movie.

Bottom Line: The movie is boring, the plot is ridiculous, and nothing makes a lick of sense. Skip it.

This is a movie based on a video game and it is pretty ridiculous. The movie trailers made it out to be sort of a supernatural thriller but it’s actually not supernatural at all. In fact the subject matter is quite mundane. Mark Wahlberg doesn’t have to really act in this movie, he just has to have a mad look on his face and hurt people. So if that’s what you’re into, this is your movie. But if you want logic, a real story, or believable characters, well you probably guessed this isn’t the one. But just for a silly movie to pass the time on a Saturday afternoon, it fits the bill.

This movie falls into the genre of ripoffs of The Ring. It’s trying to be as good as that and as creepy but it falls very short. It’s a very weak story and the characters make very sudden jumps in logic that doesn’t feel natural. They go from “You’re crazy. You need to get help” to “oh my god, you’re right! The mirrors are trying to kill us!” in a matter of minutes. Kiefer figures it all out pretty damn fast considering no one else could or even came close. There are a few gory, bloody scenes that feel very tacked on to appease the gore porn crowd. And in general this movie feels very unoriginal and spit out just to pass the time. Don’t bother.

I was looking forward to this movie since all the buzz in front of it said that it was an original and well-done sci-fi movie. I am always on the lookout for an something interesting on the sci-fi front and there are very few original ideas left out there. However this seemed promising. Ultimately thought the movie falls rather flat and it just doesn’t do a good enough job of holding my interest. It gets rather long and boring, and the plot device of clones isn’t done with any dramatic new take or twist. First-time director Duncan Jones, son of David Bowie btw, puts a fair amount of style into the movie. And Sam Rockwell does an excellent job playing against himself and making each version of his character different. It’s not really a bad movie, but it’s not as good as I had hoped or had been led to believe. Most of the time I was quite bored waiting for something interesting to happen, and it just didn’t deliver.

In a word: Boring. I feel like the trailer did a bait-and-switch on us. If you watch the trailer for this film, it’s all about magic, bouncy balls, cutesy Natalie Portman, and how wacky everything in the store is. In retrospect there really isn’t much telling you what the actual story of the movie is. And when you watch it, all that wacky stuff from the trailer is in the first 15 minutes. The rest of the movie is Mr. Magorium telling everyone he is going to die, Natalie having a 23 yr. old mid-life crisis, a kid who has no friends, and an accountant who is pretty much there so they can make cliche jokes about accountants. After awhile it just turns into a pointless bummer with the inevitable sappy happy-ending where the main characters “find their joy again” or some such nonsense. Like many of it’s toys, the Emporium is just spectacle and fluff. Skip it.

It should be titled “At Idea’s End” because they are really pushing it this time. While the first two POTC movies were fun, swashbuckling adventures, this third installment veers WAY off course into an overly-complicated plot and absurd scenarios that are more distracting than entertaining.

It starts off with Jack Sparrow being dead and the evil british military dude from the second film chasing down all the pirates and killing them. I don’t remember why or how or why I should care. Jack’s friends of course go to rescue him through some weird waterfall or something. Jack is in purgatory? Limbo? Aruba? Whatever. Boring. Don’t care. I didn’t get how they got there or how they got back. Somehow Jack is alive again and all the “pirate kings” have to get together and figure out how to stop the evil british military dude. This is followed by the witch lady turning into the 50ft. woman, a big whirlpool showing up, Orlando Bloom joining the bad guys but not really cuz he joins back with the good guys but then again with the bad guys…. or something, and Keira just gets mad and yells and doesn’t know if she loves Orlando Bloom’s character but then agrees to marry him immediately. Read the rest of this entry »