watching movies one cup at a time

Holy Bats**t, Batman! This movie SUCKED! It sucked so fiercely there is a video montage on YouTube of just the sucky parts strung together (shown below in this post). Though one could argue the entire film itself is just one big sucky part. By far the worst Batman film ever, where do we even start with the crimes committed by this movie?

First of all, Joel Schumacher needs to be beaten with a bat-stick for the two films he helmed. Tim Burton injected a lot of style into the first two and the decision to go in such a radically different direction for the next two was a huge miscalculation by Warner Bros., who appeared to be under the assumption people loved the frickin’ craptastic television show more than the actual comic book that the hero is based on. Read the rest of this entry »

I rented this one thinking it might be a light, fun romantic comedy. I should have known better. I’m not a Dane Cook fan and this just cements my opinion that he is just not funny. Not only is this movie not funny, it’s often just plain gross. I suspect Dane Cook agreed to do this movie because he got to be in about 50 sex scenes with naked women. Just scene after scene, like an endless wave of naked Dane Cook coming to ruin your day. No thanks. And I’m really not a fan of Jessica Alba either. Just not that interesting at all.

It was directed by Mark Helfrich who has had a long career as a film editor and this is his first time directing. Unfortunately I found the whole movie’s style rather generic and uninspired. It could have been directed by anybody. Might want to go back to editing, Mark.

So basically this movie had nothing going for it. It was not funny, way too much Dane Cook nakedness, and the “plot” was pretty weak and pointless. This falls into the category of “how do movies like this get made?” Avoid it as much as possible.

Just plain awful. This movie is a classic example of advertising bait-and-switch. The trailer for this movie clearly portrays it as a light romantic-comedy, some cutesy piffle with Drew Barrymore falling in love with Luke Wilson. But when you actually watch the flick, it’s really about this outrageous scenario where Luke Wilson and his crazy brother are manipulated by their psychotic mother to harass their step-father, killing him in the process, and going after Drew whom they believe knows what they did. There are fighter jets, people dying, attempts on Drew’s life (her character is pregnant btw). Granted it still TRYS to be a romantic-comedy, but this whole crazy story about the step-dad and the psycho family out to get Drew is just weird and poorly done. It sucks for people who may rent this thinking it’s something like Riding in Cars with Boys or Never Been Kissed (2 way better Drew Barrymore chick flicks), because it’s totally not what is advertised. It’s way, way worse. Avoid at all costs.

As bad as you think it is? Worse.

Holy crap this movie SUCKED! I had low expectations going into it but this even blew those away. It was just a straight up terrible movie. And guess who the female lead is? Jessica Alba. She should be crowned the queen of god-awful movies because she is in nothing but garbage.

Mike Meyers wrote and stars in this goof on spiritual gurus and he recycles a LOT of jokes from Austin Powers. And even though the Austin Powers series of films got progressively worse with each sequel, The Love Guru doesn’t even come close to being as funny as the worst Austin Powers movie. The plot is ridiculous, the acting is horrible, the jokes are bad and often tasteless, and the whole experience is unbearable. NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Avoid this movie at all costs. Jessica Alba and Mike Meyers need to be banned from making any more films.

Seriously one of the worst movies ever. It was astounding how bad it was. I’m mad I got suckered into seeing it. Where do we start? Cameron Diaz is in this movie blatantly trying to cash in on her There’s Something About Mary fame from a few years earlier. But this is like a really bad copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of what that movie was. The plot makes no sense, the characters are put in basically random situations just to fuel some lame and usually gross jokes, and there is pretty much nothing likeable about any of these people. And what little laughs they could squeeze out of this were ALL in the trailer! So if you saw the trailer, you already saw anything that was remotely funny in this thing. I hate when movie studios do that. It’s total bait-and-switch to steal my $10. I want that 2 hours of my life back.

BTW, the writer of this flick was a staff writer for South Park and this was her first movie. And guess what? That was also her last movie. Somehow the director keeps working, which is a shame because the directing was a mess. Avoid this movie by any means necessary.