watching movies one cup at a time

The commercials for this movie actually made it look pretty funny. And in general I find Will Ferrell to be very funny. So I was pretty surprised to find this movie to be not only unfunny, but basically pretty stupid. None of it makes much sense, it ignores a lot of the original character of the TV series it’s based on, it’s not funny at all, and most surprisingly there is a lot of foul language for a movie that’s based on a kid’s show. It’s rated PG-13 but I think that’s pushing it. I’m sure they were one F-word away from an R. It’s just crude humor that falls flat. Don’t bother with this one. A complete waste of time.

This movie follows very closely in the tradition of Guy Ritchie’s “British thug” movies, and in fact Guy Ritchie was set to direct this film but had to pass and it went to Matthew Vaughn instead. Matthew Vaughn was a producer on the Guy Ritchie films that Layer Cake is very similar too like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch so there is a clear connection between those films and this film which is Vaughn’s directorial debut.

In this film Daniel Craig plays a middle-man drug dealer that gets caught up in a higher-stakes gangster situation than he isn’t used to or wants anything to be a part of. The movie does a fantastic job of creating the world that his character operates in and establishing believable characters with rich backstories. The action is very fast-paced and clearly this is the movie that set the stage for Daniel Craig becoming the next James Bond very soon after this came out.

Bottom Line: If you like the Guy Ritchie movies, you’ll love this one.

Really profound statements like “God just got sick of the bullshi*t” set the tone for this movie right away, and the level of ridiculousness remains high throughout the movie. The basic plot is God is going to wipe out humanity but a rogue angel comes down to stop it by protecting a newborn baby destined to redeem humanity… or something. It’s never really made clear exactly what’s going on or why anything is happening. The angel Michael just shows up at this desert diner, scowls the entire time, barely speaks yet convinces the people at the diner that they need to shoot every person that comes near the place because they are possessed by angels and will kill everyone. Whatever you say, mysterious stranger. Nevermind the fact that they are supposedly fighting against GOD. Somehow a handful of machine guns in a diner can withstand the will of God, good to know. And speaking of machine guns, pretty much any time there isn’t a bunch of guns being fires, the movie grinds to a complete halt with incredibly boring dialogue between 2-dimensional characters played by mediocre actors. Paul Bettany and Dennis Quaid do their best to break out of the extremely limited room they are given but ultimately they are forced in to a one-note performance just like everyone else in the movie.

Bottom Line: The movie is boring, the plot is ridiculous, and nothing makes a lick of sense. Skip it.

This is a vampire movie. But what separates this film from the flood of recent vampire flicks is that first of all, it’s set in Sweden and second, it’s actually a very touching story about a lonely boy, Oskar, who finds a friend in the sympathetic but nightmarish vampire named Eli, forever locked into the body of a 12 year old. I’ve never been to Sweden but the picture they paint here is a very cold and stark place where the bleakness of the snow and ice helps perpetuate a separateness between the isolated worlds of it’s citizens. This is a place where a secretive figure like a vampire and a friendless child can easily move around without being noticed, without anyone really paying attention or caring. It’s a empty world, devoid of life, which allows Eli to easily slip in and fill the void that Oskar so desperately needs. In Eli, Oskar finds an ally, champion, protector, and potential lover as the adolescent boy begins his awkward first steps in to puberty. In Oskar, Eli finds a companion, a warm bed in a cold night, someone to take care of, and a connection. Their shared loneliness is enough to overcome any fear Oskar has and any defense-mechanism of Eli’s.

Not a whole lot happens in this movie, it is really more of a moody and slow view of the escalation of their relationship. The events that happen in the film involving other characters almost feel like background noise to help illustrate the alienation and isolation Oskar so profoundly feels, and why having Eli come along and embrace him in to another world feels so right. It’s an enjoyable movie and worth seeing.

There is an American version being made already and hopefully it won’t “Americanize” the story too much. As with most European, subtitled movies, this movie wouldn’t appeal to a mass American audience used to seeing vampires fighting and kissing angsty teenage girls. This is far from Twilight and True Blood. It feels a lot more real and I hope that connects in the remake. UPDATE – Saw the first American version trailer and it looks very good.

Bottom line: At times both horrifying and sweet, a worthwhile film to see.

American version trailer after the break. Read the rest of this entry »

This movie is like one long Doctor Who episode. It really could have been a Doctor movie without much change to the story. Set in London, the film is essentially about “space vampires” that come to Earth to drain the lifeforce from humans and turn them into lifeforce-draining monsters themselves. It’s very campy and British in the exact same way that Doctor Who was, especially in the ’80s. But it is still enjoyable for a rather silly horror/sci-fi movie. The special effects are pretty ridiculous, again like Doctor Who back-in-the-day, but it doesn’t hurt that the main vampire villain is a hot girl who prefers to be naked all the time, just sayin’.

Way stupid. Pointless. Why bother? This movie is the direct-to-DVD sequel to 1987′s The Lost Boys, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Keifer Sutherland, Jason Patric, and several other fine actors. The Lost Boys was a big deal to me in 1987. As a 16 yr old spending time in the 80′s punk/goth/alternative scene, it was right up my alley. And it was well done with a decent story and acting. So why are we getting a sequel 21 years later? They are about 19 years too late and must have spent all of those 19 years watering down this story into something paper-thin and ridiculous. All the good things about The Lost Boys are not here at all. Instead we get a lame story that would barely hold up on basic cable, the tiniest possible plot connection to the first film, uninspired and lazy directing, hacky and cliche’d acting, and no clear reason why this movie had to get made at all. Yuck. Don’t waste your time.

Boring. Lifeless. Uninspired. This is a live-action film of a very popular animated series, and the film fails in every way. What is going on in this movie and why should I care? M. Night never delivers a satisfying answer and ultimately wastes our time.

The characters are drab and the acting is terrible. And why aren’t the main actors Asian? The entire animated series is Asian! This really pissed off the massive fanbase for this movie, NEVER a good idea. And since none of the non-asian actors add ANYTHING to the movie, what was the point? Just racist pandering to white audiences? Either these actors really suck or M. Night just sucks as a director. And since he wrote the REALLY BAD dialogue for this movie, my guess is that the blame falls on M. Night.

The effects in this movie are so lifeless that it’s clear this movie should have stayed in animation and not live-action. The whole concept of the characters “bending” the elements just never connects. The fire doesn’t burn anything, the water never gets anyone wet, the dirt is hardly intimidating, and god-forbid you get hit by THE WIND! Didn’t M. Night learn anything from that failed “Happening” movie? Wind isn’t scary or tough. This movie could have been made 10x better as an animated film. And the 3D is completely pointless. It’s never used to any dramatic effect and feels very tacked on purely for profit.

The fight scenes are just stupid. No one looks like they are actually fighting. It more closely resembles a bad dance routine. With so many fantastic martial arts movies being made all the time, there is no excuse to have such lame action sequences in a contemporary film. Hire a director JUST for those scenes if you can’t do it yourself, M. Night. None of his previous movies ever had any kind of fighting in them so why he felt he could jump in with both fists and get away with it seems ridiculous. When Quentin Tarantino directed Kill Bill, he not only had studied martial arts films for years, he also brought in the best to help with the fights. And it worked! The fights in this movie are about as fierce as the worst episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” and are just as boring and lifeless as the rest of the movie.

Bottom Line: Boring and pointless, don’t bother.

Holy crap this movie SUCKED! I had low expectations going into it but this even blew those away. It was just a straight up terrible movie. And guess who the female lead is? Jessica Alba. She should be crowned the queen of god-awful movies because she is in nothing but garbage.

Mike Meyers wrote and stars in this goof on spiritual gurus and he recycles a LOT of jokes from Austin Powers. And even though the Austin Powers series of films got progressively worse with each sequel, The Love Guru doesn’t even come close to being as funny as the worst Austin Powers movie. The plot is ridiculous, the acting is horrible, the jokes are bad and often tasteless, and the whole experience is unbearable. NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Avoid this movie at all costs. Jessica Alba and Mike Meyers need to be banned from making any more films.