watching movies one cup at a time

The commercials for this movie actually made it look pretty funny. And in general I find Will Ferrell to be very funny. So I was pretty surprised to find this movie to be not only unfunny, but basically pretty stupid. None of it makes much sense, it ignores a lot of the original character of the TV series it’s based on, it’s not funny at all, and most surprisingly there is a lot of foul language for a movie that’s based on a kid’s show. It’s rated PG-13 but I think that’s pushing it. I’m sure they were one F-word away from an R. It’s just crude humor that falls flat. Don’t bother with this one. A complete waste of time.

Really profound statements like “God just got sick of the bullshi*t” set the tone for this movie right away, and the level of ridiculousness remains high throughout the movie. The basic plot is God is going to wipe out humanity but a rogue angel comes down to stop it by protecting a newborn baby destined to redeem humanity… or something. It’s never really made clear exactly what’s going on or why anything is happening. The angel Michael just shows up at this desert diner, scowls the entire time, barely speaks yet convinces the people at the diner that they need to shoot every person that comes near the place because they are possessed by angels and will kill everyone. Whatever you say, mysterious stranger. Nevermind the fact that they are supposedly fighting against GOD. Somehow a handful of machine guns in a diner can withstand the will of God, good to know. And speaking of machine guns, pretty much any time there isn’t a bunch of guns being fires, the movie grinds to a complete halt with incredibly boring dialogue between 2-dimensional characters played by mediocre actors. Paul Bettany and Dennis Quaid do their best to break out of the extremely limited room they are given but ultimately they are forced in to a one-note performance just like everyone else in the movie.

Bottom Line: The movie is boring, the plot is ridiculous, and nothing makes a lick of sense. Skip it.

This movie is like one long Doctor Who episode. It really could have been a Doctor movie without much change to the story. Set in London, the film is essentially about “space vampires” that come to Earth to drain the lifeforce from humans and turn them into lifeforce-draining monsters themselves. It’s very campy and British in the exact same way that Doctor Who was, especially in the ’80s. But it is still enjoyable for a rather silly horror/sci-fi movie. The special effects are pretty ridiculous, again like Doctor Who back-in-the-day, but it doesn’t hurt that the main vampire villain is a hot girl who prefers to be naked all the time, just sayin’.

Way stupid. Pointless. Why bother? This movie is the direct-to-DVD sequel to 1987’s The Lost Boys, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Keifer Sutherland, Jason Patric, and several other fine actors. The Lost Boys was a big deal to me in 1987. As a 16 yr old spending time in the 80’s punk/goth/alternative scene, it was right up my alley. And it was well done with a decent story and acting. So why are we getting a sequel 21 years later? They are about 19 years too late and must have spent all of those 19 years watering down this story into something paper-thin and ridiculous. All the good things about The Lost Boys are not here at all. Instead we get a lame story that would barely hold up on basic cable, the tiniest possible plot connection to the first film, uninspired and lazy directing, hacky and cliche’d acting, and no clear reason why this movie had to get made at all. Yuck. Don’t waste your time.

Holy crap this movie SUCKED! I had low expectations going into it but this even blew those away. It was just a straight up terrible movie. And guess who the female lead is? Jessica Alba. She should be crowned the queen of god-awful movies because she is in nothing but garbage.

Mike Meyers wrote and stars in this goof on spiritual gurus and he recycles a LOT of jokes from Austin Powers. And even though the Austin Powers series of films got progressively worse with each sequel, The Love Guru doesn’t even come close to being as funny as the worst Austin Powers movie. The plot is ridiculous, the acting is horrible, the jokes are bad and often tasteless, and the whole experience is unbearable. NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Avoid this movie at all costs. Jessica Alba and Mike Meyers need to be banned from making any more films.